Schedule of a Man

A MAN'S SCHEDULE
1. Get up.
2. Pass gas.
3. Drink cup of black coffee.
4. Pass gas.
5. Dress, skipping shower because "alarm didn't work".
6. Pass gas.
7. Log on to computer to check porn site before leaving for work. Pass gas while "enjoying" favorite site.
8. Drive to work. Pass gas at stop light. Open window to air out car.
9. Get to work at MacDonalds. Pass gas in bathroom (for all patrons to enjoy). Forget to wash hands.
10. Lunch. Double cheesy cheeseburger and supersized fries. Pass gas.
11. Arrive home. Pass gas. Have a beer. Pass gas.
12. Tell wife you want sex. Belch. Finish early, belch and fall asleep.
13. Get up at 3 A.M. waking wife but instead of finishing her off, return to computer to talk in the chat rooms - imagining what a stud you are, chatting with all those "gorgeous women" online. Pass gas.

Difference Between Boy and Girl

Q: What is the difference between a boy and a girl?
A: A boy is eight times more likely to be convicted of murder.

Park Bench and Mexican Dad

Q: What's the difference between a park bench and a Mexican dad?
A: The park bench can support a family of four.