Dry Cleaning

Monica needed to get one of her dresses cleaned so she took it to the dry cleaners. The man working there was an elderly man and was hard of hearing.
Monica said,"I need this dress cleaned."
The man said, "Come again?"
Monica replied, "No, it's just mustard."

Michael Jackson and the Doctor

Michael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room after his wife gives birth to their son. Michael says, "How long before we can have sex?" The doctor says, "At least wait until he's walking."

Men Are Like 2

Men are like

• ...Place-mats. They only show up when there's food on the table.
• ...Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
• ...Bike helmets. They're good in emergencies but usually just look silly.
• ...Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
• ...Copiers. You need them in reproduction but that's about it.
• ...Lava lamps. Fun to look at it but not all that bright.
• ...Bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
• ...High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
• ...Curling irons. They're always hot and always in your hair.
• ...Mini skirts. If your not careful they'll creep up your legs.
• ...Handguns. Keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.
• ...Floor tiles. Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for a lifetime.
• ...Parking spots. The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
• ...Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.