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Holiday Tattoo
A girl gets a tattoo of Santa Claus on one thigh and a turkey on the other. She wants to show that there is something good to eat in between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Categories:
Holiday Jokes
(Christmas Jokes)
, Holiday Jokes
(Thanksgiving Jokes)
, Sex Jokes
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Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous
Defining the Perfect Woman
What's the definition of a perfect woman?
- Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
- The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
- The economy model fucks all evening and, at midnight, turns into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.
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Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous
Blow Job Etiquette
- First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it - so if you get one, be grateful.
- I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to come on someone's face. And no, I DON'T have to swallow.
- My ears are NOT handles.
- Do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
- I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
- Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" . Get it through your head; I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
- "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls, but if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
- If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
- Leaving me in bed while you go play video games, smoke a cigarette, watch tv, etc. immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
- If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it.
- No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
- No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV, smoke a cigarette, drink,etc.
- When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
- Just because it's "awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".
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Anonymous
