Blow Job Etiquette

• First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it - so if you get one, be grateful.
• I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to come on someone's face. And no, I DON'T have to swallow.
• My ears are NOT handles.
• Do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally,  do you really WANT puke on your dick?
• I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
• Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" . Get it through your head; I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
• "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls, but if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
• If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
• Leaving me in bed while you go play video games, smoke a cigarette, watch tv, etc. immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
• If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. 
• No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
• No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV, smoke a cigarette, drink,etc.
• When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
• Just because it's "awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

Best Part of a Women

Q: What part of a woman does a man like looking at best?
A: The top of her head.

Pros And Cons of A Threesome

Pros and cons of a threesome
Advantages

• It can get really weird
• Someone can go for beer without interrupting the proceedings
• There's always a hand or mouth free when you need one
• Motel rooms split 3 ways are only $13
• You get to watch your best friends making love
•  You get to get watched making love
• Simultaneously enjoying intercourse and oral sex has to be experienced to be believed
• You get strange looks when you all go out dancing
• You get really strange looks when you all go out comparison shopping for condoms
• Enough people to play gin rummy if things don't work out
• You can safely check yourself for any homosexual tendencies without actually doing anything about it
• Calling out the wrong name during climax isn't as much of a problem, the "wrong name" is probably the one on your left
• Three-person showers are fantastic
• Three-person naked belly laughs are even better
• Three-person kisses are best

• It can get really weird
• Tougher for three people to decide on pizza toppings
• Simultaneous orgasms are even trickier to pull off
• You may harbor paranoid thoughts that while you're in the bathroom; the other two are giggling over the pimple on your butt
• Trying to find safe places to put your elbows
• You get to find out what kind of really sick things your friends like
• Queen-sized beds are suddenly smaller than you remember them
• Trying to fit 3 names in the little heart when drawing on your notebooks
• Morning breath multiplied by 3
• You might discover homosexual tendencies you didn't suspect or want
• You might discover homosexual tendencies in one of your friends you didn't suspect or want
• You have the option of wrecking twice the normal number of relationships
• The odds of boyfriends/spouses walking in on you triple
• Sorting clothes quickly when the significant other walks in assumes comical proportions
• Now there are two wet spots to avoid.