College Troubles When...

You know you're in trouble when...
1. The McDonald's people know you by name from late night study breaks.
2. You have spent more time figuring out that you only need a 54% to pass the final than you have actually spent studying.
3. The college drunk confronts you and says: "Don't you think you should get to work now?"
4. Your study schedule is based on the rationale that you "might" actually die before the test!
5. Your parents inquire about your grades and you sing the Cookie Monster song: "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me..."
6. Mom calls to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, b*#%h!"

God Sent Me

An atheist professor was teaching a college class at Alabama and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!" Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting." He got down to the last couple of minutes and a big 240 pound football player in the class walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him flying from his platform. The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?" The football player replied, "GOD WAS BUSY; HE SENT ME!"

Donald MacDonald From The Isle's

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil McNell from Barra, but anyway..) went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky). "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?" "Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."