Donald MacDonald From The Isle's

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil McNell from Barra, but anyway..) went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky). "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?" "Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

Coach Wants A Raise

The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department." "Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look." He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered. Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. "You're not there, sir," he reported. "Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the President, scratching his head. "I would have phoned."

More Signs You Are Out of College

• Your refrigerator holds more solid foods than liquids.
• You've lost the thread on your favorite soap opera.
• 8 a.m. means shower and shave, not wake and bake.
• You file taxes with more than three digits.
• You hear your favorite songs in doctor's waiting rooms and when you're on hold with the bank.
• You're not carded anymore for anything.
• You carry an umbrella.
• You now know there's no such thing as "looking mature."
• You get your news from sources other than ESPN and MTV.
• Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone's and Mad Dog.
• Doing shots and smoking cigarettes guarantees midnight dry heaves and a sinus attack instead of midnight skinny dipping and a Big Mac attack.
• You go from 130 days to seven days of vacation time.
• You actually eat breakfast foods -- at breakfast time.