Alternate College Courses

Fail a class? Drop one too many? Don't worry about it. In order to keep money flowing into our institution we've created a summer program that any slacker could pass.
New Course Offerings for the Summer Session:
THEORIES OF TIC-TAC-TOE: Should you pick X or O? The answer isn't as complicated as you might think once you've learned the theory. Learn techniques that the pros use, and play with confidence. Pre-Requisite: the movie, "War Games."
THE DECLINE OF ROMAN ORGASMS: What happened to the pleasure of the Roman woman after 33 A.D.? Using archeological evidence and experiences from her own marriage, Dr. Lisa Cecil uncovers an entire era of faking it. Pre-Requisite: Bitter Relationship
DRAWING CONCLUSIONS: Using our creative instinct to doodle on things labeled "work," we'll literally draw conclusions. Pre-Requisite: Motor Skills
MUSIC TO THE EARS: Like the Sound of Music? How about the sound of doing nothing for two hours a day for credit? Pre-Requisite: FOOD TO THE STOMACH
Also, be on the lookout for...
THE ORIGINS OF BEGINNINGS -- An Introductory Course 
THUMBS UP, THUMBS DOWN: Post-modern film criticism. 
THE ECONOMICS OF ARCADES: Finding change for a dollar.
THE STATISTICS OF POLLS -- A survey course.

College Troubles When...

You know you're in trouble when...
1. The McDonald's people know you by name from late night study breaks.
2. You have spent more time figuring out that you only need a 54% to pass the final than you have actually spent studying.
3. The college drunk confronts you and says: "Don't you think you should get to work now?"
4. Your study schedule is based on the rationale that you "might" actually die before the test!
5. Your parents inquire about your grades and you sing the Cookie Monster song: "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me..."
6. Mom calls to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, b*#%h!"

Harvard and Yale Graduates

A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during a law convention. The Harvard graduate said, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?" The Yale grad responded, "They taught us not to piss on our hands."