Psychology Student's Assignment

A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered, "When I get out of here I going to be a tennis pro." The second patient was locked in his room throwing baseballs everywhere. When asked why he said, "When I get out of here I'm going to be a professional baseball player." The student thought he was starting to get the hang of things, until he looked in on the third patient. There locked in the middle of the room was a naked man, masturbating with a peanut on the end of his penis. The student asked, "I understand about the others, but what are you going to be when you get out of here?" "They're never going to let me out of here," the patient said "I'm f**king nuts!"

Aggie and Longhorn Ranching

An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat. He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?" The Aggie says, "Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"

Statistics Class

If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my statistics class: it would seem so much longer.