Math Problems

Young Larry stopped by the corner grocery store and read the following list to the clerk: 10 pounds sugar at $1.25 a pound 4 pounds coffee at $1.50 a pound 2 pounds butter at $1.10 a pound 2 bars soap at $.83 each "How much does that come to?" asked Larry. "Twenty-two dollars and thirty-six cents." "If I gave you three ten dollar bills, how much change would I get?" said the boy. "Seven dollars and sixty-four cents," stated the clerk who appeared to be irritated by all the questions. Larry said, as he disappeared through the door, "I don't want to buy the items... that's our arithmetic lesson for tomorrow, and I needed some help with it." 

College Burger Joint Conversations Nationwide

M.I.T.: "I had a nervous breakdown this weekend." "Have some fries."
Caltech: "I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend." "Have some fries."
Yale: "I got mugged on the way to class today." "Have some fries."
Brown: "I got a nose ring this weekend, Professor Smith." "Cool! Me too! Have some fries."
Swarthmore: "I got a B." "Anywhere else it would have been an A. Have some fries."
Princeton: "My father took away my Porsche this weekend." "Poor dear. Have some Escargot."
Harvard: "Did you do anything this weekend?" "Nope. Have some fries."
Williams: "Don't I know you?" "Of course you do, silly. Have some fries."
Cornell: "I killed my lab partner this weekend." "Bummer. Have some fries."
Columbia: "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school." "Me too. Let's go get shot."
Penn: "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school." "Me too. Let's transfer to Columbia."
Stanford: "Dude, I have so much work this weekend." "Like, chill out, dude. Have some, like, fries."
Dartmouth: "Oh man, I got so trashed this weekend." "Have some beer."
Tufts: "I wish I were Ivy League." "Here, drink the fry grease."

Wolverine Parking Only

Q: Why do University of Michigan graduates hang their diplomas from their rear view mirrors?
A: So they can use handicapped parking.