Holding Back

My buddy Brian had a kid a few years ago, and he comes to me this summer and he goes, 'Man, my son just flunked the third grade. I don't know how to tell my kid he's going to be held back a year.' I was like, 'I guess you better tell him slowly so the little dumb ass will get it.'

Dallas Public Schools

True story. Sunday, November 29, 1992 An investigation by the Dallas Morning News revealed the city's public schools employ at least 185 people who have been convicted of felonies, including two convicted murderers. In response, the school superintendent promised that the city would begin periodic records checks.

Aggie and Longhorn Ranching

An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat. He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?" The Aggie says, "Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"