Terrible Curse

A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. " This is the Klotschtein diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it." " What's the curse?" the man asked.  "Mr. Klotschtein."

A Henpecked Husband

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go home and show her you're the boss." The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled, "From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?" "I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "the undertaker."

How To Ask A Man To Do Something

How to Ask a Man To Do Something
Always remember these six important rules when asking a man to do something:

1. Make sure the man is conscious.
2. Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the bird cage with the sports section.
3. Be brief! Limit your nagging speech to two, three hours, max.
4. Reward him for cooperative behavior. Offer to cook him something that doesn't have a peel-back cover.
5. Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave his remote on high power for 55 minutes. (Rotate 1/4 turn, and microwave again for another 35 minutes.)
6. Use "would you" or "will you" instead of "you'd better" or "do as I say and no one will get hurt."