How To Ask A Man To Do Something

How to Ask a Man To Do Something
Always remember these six important rules when asking a man to do something:

1. Make sure the man is conscious.
2. Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the bird cage with the sports section.
3. Be brief! Limit your nagging speech to two, three hours, max.
4. Reward him for cooperative behavior. Offer to cook him something that doesn't have a peel-back cover.
5. Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave his remote on high power for 55 minutes. (Rotate 1/4 turn, and microwave again for another 35 minutes.)
6. Use "would you" or "will you" instead of "you'd better" or "do as I say and no one will get hurt."

Clinton Gets Pissed

Bill Clinton walks out on to his front porch, and written in urine was ''The president must go.'' Bill Clinton storms into his office and demanded to know who did it. So his two body guards run out to find out who it was. Five hours later the two guards come back in, they told Bill, ''We have some bad news, and we have worse news.'' ''What is the bad news?'' asked Bill.
''Well, the bad news is, we took a urine test, and it was his vice president, Al Gore." "Whats the worst news?" asked Bill. The worst news is that it is Hillary's hand writing!"

Seen You Before

A man asks a woman, "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" The woman responds, "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."