Pretty Boy

When I was younger, the local priest told me that I was the prettiest boy he'd ever seen.
I was touched.

Abstinence

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final couple were newlyweds. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. "Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister. "Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can, and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over." The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church. "That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."
 

Altar Boys in the Snow

Three altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around their ankles. They have their penises in a snow bank.
Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says, "Boys! Boys! Whatever are you doing, you're going to catch pneumonia. Put your penises away."
The tallest altar boy turns around and yells, "Sister Margaret, don't worry, we know what we're doing. Father Porter always likes a couple of cold ones after work!"