Lady Di at Heavens Gates

Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. Peter asks: "Oh dear, what happened to you?" Di answers: "I died in a car crash, but wait till you see my friend, he looks much worse." Half an hour later Dodi shows up and St. Peter says: "My God, you look terrible." Dodi replies: "This is nothing. Wait till you see my driver." Half an hour later some bones and flesh move slowly to the Gates, and St. Peter says: "So you're the driver?" "No, I'm Mother Theresa."

Policemen in Heaven

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids." "Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates." A few moments later a second man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers." "Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise." A few moments later a third man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a Military Policeman, Sir." "Excellent my son, I have to leave for a bit, watch the gate will you?" 

Muslim in Heaven

He is about to climb up the white clouded stairs and stops in front of a golden gate. There is a bearded man waiting for him. The Muslim asks: "Are you Mohammed?" "No, I'm St. Peter. Mohammed is higher up." The Muslim is very happy to hear that Mohammed is more important than Saint Peter and is higher up. He climbs another flight of stairs. Tired, he stops in front of another large gate. He finds a young man with curly blond hairs and asks, "Are you Mohammed?" "No, I'm Michael, Mohammed is higher up." The Muslim is in ecstasy learning that Mohammed is more important than angels. He climbs an even longer flight of stairs. Exhausted, he reaches another gate, even bigger. He's met by a bearded man and asks him, "Are you Mohammed?" "No. I am Jesus. Mohammed is further up." The Muslim is ecstatic and explodes with happiness learning that Mohammed is even more important than Jesus and that his religion is indeed the best of them all. He cannot wait to meet Mohammed. He quickly climbs further up. Panting, breathless, exhausted, he arrives at a huge white gate. Waiting for him is very old man with a long white beard. The Muslim asks with the little breath he has left, "Are you Mohammed?" "No. I'm God, but I see you're tired, come in, sit down, rest for a moment. Do you want some water, a coffee perhaps? And the Muslim says, "Yes, a coffee ... I would be very grateful." So God turns around, raises his hand, whistles, and says, "Mohammed, two coffees."