Big mix-UP

One day, there was a plane that crashed. On it, was Bill Clinton and an extremely religious guy named Phil who's only wish was to meet the Virgin Mary.   Bill and Phil both died. Heaven and Hell got all mixed up that day, so the religious guy went to hell and Bill went to heaven, but only for about 20 minutes.  On their way back, they bumped into each other and Phil said, "Oh, my ONLY hope in the world is to see the Virgin Mary".  Bill Clinton replied,  "Sorry buddy, you're 15 minutes late!"

The Pearly Gates Computer

A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds that St. Peter is not there, but a computer terminal is sitting next to the arch. He walks up to it and sees "Welcome to www.Heaven.com. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue." He doesn't have either, but underneath the fields is a small line reading: "Forgot your ID or Password? Click Here." So he does. Up pops a screen which reads, "Please enter at least two of the following, and your password and ID will be e-mailed to you." The fields include "Name," "Date of birth," "Date of death," and "Favorite Food." The man enters his name and date of birth, and clicks "Submit." Up pops another screen which reads, "We are sorry, we did not find a match in our database. Would you like to register?" So the man clicks the button marked "Yes." A long and detailed form appears on the screen, and the man spends some time filling it out. Then he clicks the "Submit" button.Now he is faced with a screen reading, "We are sorry, this service is temporarily unavailable; please try again later." There is a button marked "Back." He clicks it. A new page appears. It reads, "Welcome to www.Purgatory.com. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue..."