Amazon Missionary

A missionary is sent to the Amazon forest to spread the word of the Lord to the isolated tribes who are completely unaware of the outside world. He spends years learning the local language and translating scripture. One day, he addresses the village who has gathered to hear him speak. "My friends, humanity has sinned. You must accept God's love or be sent to the underworld and tormented with hellfire forever."
An old tribesman looks up at the missionary and asks him: "If we didn't know about God and sins, would we still be cast into hell?" "Of course not." the holy man tells him.
"Then why the fuck did you tell us?"

The Shopping Cart

Q: Why did God invent the shopping cart?
A: To teach the women to walk on their hind legs!

Lord Please Send Food

A Christian and an atheist were neighbors. The Christian one day yells, ''Lord please send me food." The atheist heard this and replies ''There is no GOD!'' The next day the Christian wakes up and goes to her porch to find that there were bags of groceries. She yells, ''Thank You LORD for this food!" As soon as soon as the Christian said that the atheist jumps out from the brush and replies, ''Your GOD didn't give you that food, I did!'' Without wasting a second the Christian yells to the Lord ''Thank you for sending me this food and making the Satan pay for it!"