I'm God

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God! Doc: When did this start? Well first I created the sun, then the earth, then the...

God Is Woman

God is a woman. I know this because if God was a man, He would have created the whole population female, and only one man. Then, He would have invited that male to the top of the mountain to look down at all the beautiful females. Then God would have gotten jealous and killed him.

Amazon Missionary

A missionary is sent to the Amazon forest to spread the word of the Lord to the isolated tribes who are completely unaware of the outside world. He spends years learning the local language and translating scripture. One day, he addresses the village who has gathered to hear him speak. "My friends, humanity has sinned. You must accept God's love or be sent to the underworld and tormented with hellfire forever."
An old tribesman looks up at the missionary and asks him: "If we didn't know about God and sins, would we still be cast into hell?" "Of course not." the holy man tells him.
"Then why the fuck did you tell us?"