The Pearly Gates Computer

A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds that St. Peter is not there, but a computer terminal is sitting next to the arch. He walks up to it and sees "Welcome to www.Heaven.com. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue." He doesn't have either, but underneath the fields is a small line reading: "Forgot your ID or Password? Click Here." So he does. Up pops a screen which reads, "Please enter at least two of the following, and your password and ID will be e-mailed to you." The fields include "Name," "Date of birth," "Date of death," and "Favorite Food." The man enters his name and date of birth, and clicks "Submit." Up pops another screen which reads, "We are sorry, we did not find a match in our database. Would you like to register?" So the man clicks the button marked "Yes." A long and detailed form appears on the screen, and the man spends some time filling it out. Then he clicks the "Submit" button.Now he is faced with a screen reading, "We are sorry, this service is temporarily unavailable; please try again later." There is a button marked "Back." He clicks it. A new page appears. It reads, "Welcome to www.Purgatory.com. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue..."

Holy Water: The Cure-All

One Sunday morning a minister and a choirboy were getting the church ready for mass. The minister prepared his sermon while the choirboy filled the holy water fountain.
Suddenly, the choirboy burst into the minister's room and yelled, "Father, Father, I just saw the most amazing thing! I filled the holy water fountain. Then a man came in on crutches. He moved to the fountain, dipped his left hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his left crutch. Then he dipped his right hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his right crutch. Then he turned to me ... and he took a step forward!"
The minister was awe struck by what he just heard. "My boy, he said, you just witnessed a miracle from God! Where's this man now?"
The Choirboy replies, "Flat on his face in front of the holy water fountain!"

Black Friday Line Talk

A Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon are waiting to check-out in a long Black Friday line and begin bragging about the size of their families. "I have four boys and my wife is expecting another," says the Catholic. "One more son, and I'll have a basketball team." "That's nothing," says the Baptist. "I have 10 boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son, and I'll have a football team." "That's nothing," says the Mormon. "I have 17 wives. One more wife, and I'll have a golf course."