Darn Candle

On his tour to the U.S., the Pope visited a couple who had been childless for six years, try as they might to have a baby. The Pope promised to light a candle for them at the Vatican.
A decade later, the Pope returned and dropped in on the couple again and found nine children romping around the house.
Congratulating the wife on her fruitfulness, the Pope looked around and asked, "But where is your husband?"
"Jim?" the haggard woman said. "Oh, he went to Rome to blow out that candle!"

Together Again

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She re- marries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies. At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At least they're finally together." A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?" The priest says, "I mean her legs."

Tyson and OJ At the Vatican

Mike Tyson and OJ head to the Vatican to meet the pope and get absolved of all of their sins. While waiting for the pope to arrive Mike is eating nuts and throwing the shells on the floor.  OJ gets a little agitated and decides to go for a stroll. He comes back to find the Pope standing in front of Mike giving him the sign of the cross. OJ runs up to Mike and says "Did the Pope bless you and forgive you for your sins???" Mike replies "No, he said  'You (Up) pick up those nuts (Down), get that Nigger (Left) and get the fuck out (Right).