Soap Dispenser

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has some soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the showers. He gets halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his dick. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look," says the 2nd nun... "A soap dispenser." To test her theory she also pulls his dick... and sure enough he drops the last bar of soap. The third nun then pulls, first once, then twice and three times. Still nothing happens. So she tries once more and to her delight she yells... "Look, hand cream!"

Holy Water

Q: How do you get holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it!

More Church Bloopers!

1. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2. Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
3. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
4. Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
5. The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
6. The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
7. Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
8. The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
9. Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."
10. Announcement in a church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals.
11. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
12. The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge, Now Up Yours!"
13. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
14. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the rear entrance.
15. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King!