Tyson and OJ At the Vatican

Mike Tyson and OJ head to the Vatican to meet the pope and get absolved of all of their sins. While waiting for the pope to arrive Mike is eating nuts and throwing the shells on the floor.  OJ gets a little agitated and decides to go for a stroll. He comes back to find the Pope standing in front of Mike giving him the sign of the cross. OJ runs up to Mike and says "Did the Pope bless you and forgive you for your sins???" Mike replies "No, he said  'You (Up) pick up those nuts (Down), get that Nigger (Left) and get the fuck out (Right). 

Real V Fake

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

The Bible Study Mother-in-Law Discussion

A Bible group study leader says to his group, “What would you do if you knew you only had four weeks left before the great Judgment Day?” A gentleman says, ”I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives.” “Very good!” says the group leader. One lady speaks up and says enthusiastically, “I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction.” “That's wonderful!” the group leader comments. One gentleman in the back finally speaks up loudly and says, “I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the four weeks.” The group leader asks, “Why your mother-in-law’s home?” “Because that will make it the longest four weeks of my life!”