Difference Between Jesus and Madonna

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and Madonna?
A: Jesus was only resurrected once.

Desert Landing

There were two white christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.
As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are Muslim.'' Then Mike said ''No way, I won't say I'm Muslim, I'm gonna be honest''.
So John and Mike went to the Mosque ahead and were greeted by an Arab Muslim, who asked what their names were.
John thought of a Muslim name and said, 'My name is Muhammad'. And Mike said 'My name is Mike'.
The Arab man said 'Hello Mike.' And told these other men to take Mike and give him food and drink.
Then he turned to John and said, 'Salaam Muhammad. Ramadan Mubarak! (Hello Muhammad, Happy Ramadan)

Five Catholics

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’” 
The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’.” 
The fourth Catholic man then says, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.” 
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God!"