Insulting in Church

How to be Insulting in Church: Arrive late for any service and arrive noisily. Forget at least one, if not both books, and try to make others stand up while you go back for the ones you need.

Punishment in Hell

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him and says, "You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They'll go to Heaven and you'll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room." The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman. "I choose this room!" the man says. "Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder. "You can go now. I've found your replacement."

Little Johnny, God Is Everywhere

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying,"Fuck this," "Fuck that." The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says, "You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us." "Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Well tell him to get the fuck out and push!!!"