Rabbi Or Priest?

Q: What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A: A rabbi cuts it off, and a priest sucks it off.

Truck Driver, Priest, and Lawyer

A truck driver was zooming down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his obligation, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and the driver aimed his truck at him. At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn't run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but he heard a thump anyway. Looking back as he drove on, he didn't see anything. He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. "I'm sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road." But the priest said, "Don't worry, son. I got him with my door."

Two Black Eyes

A guy with two black eyes walks into church one Sunday. The priest notices him and is very concerned. "What happened, my child?" "I was singing in the choir, Father, and I noticed that the girl in front of me had a wedgie. So I pulled it out, and she punched me in the eye." "Okay. But how did you get the other black eye?" "Well, I thought I'd done something wrong. So I put her wedgie back."