Christ Not Polish

Q: Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
A: Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!

Name that Tune

A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession: "Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it in the gates." "BASTARD!" cried the Mother Superior. "For years he told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I have been blowing it."

Collection

Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. Whatever landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle God kept.
The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same, except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest and the money that landed inside the circle God kept.
The rabbi said, "I've got you both beat. I throw the money into the air and what God wants, God takes."