Play it Again

Q: My son asked me what it was like to be married.
A: I deleted all the music off his iPod except one song.

Wife to a Fortuneteller

A woman visits a fortuneteller who tells her, "Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, the woman takes a few deep breaths, steadies her voice and asks, "Will I be acquitted?"

Still Hot for Each Other

An old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary.
The old man said,"You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting here buck naked."
The woman said, "Why don't we try that again?"  
So they stripped and sat down at the table again.
Soon the old woman said, "Honey, my titties are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago."
The man replied, "Of course they are dear, one's in your oatmeal and the others in your coffee!"