Arachnophobia

My girlfriend says she has arachnophobia
How does she know, she has never met anyone from Iraq.

Coming Back?

For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France, they return to the airport for the trip back to America. While waiting for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says, "This was the most wonderful gift I could have asked for on our 25th anniversary. I can't wait to hear what you have in mind for our 50th anniversary!" Her husband leaned over, kissed her on the cheek, and said, "I'm going to come back and get you."

He Said, She Said

He said... I don't know why you wear a bra you've got nothing to put in it. She said...You wear briefs, don't you? He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money. He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She said...Well, you have succeeded. He said... You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man? She said...No, have you? He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains? She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind. He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight. She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.