Husband, Wife and Donkey

'Once there was husband and wife who had just bought a new mule. They were walking it down the street when the mule trips over a stone. The husband says, "That's one!"
They walk some more, when the mule trips over a stone again and the husband says, "That's two!" Then the mule trips over a stone again. The husband says, "That's three," and shoots the donkey! The wife gets so mad and start's cursing at the husband and saying, "That was are only donkey! You were an idiot to shoot it!" The husband says to his wife, that's ONE!"

The Envelope

My wife doesn't know it, but every time we have sex I put $1 in an envelope. I'm saving that money and plan on getting her something special for our anniversary.
So far she's getting a McChicken.

The Cruise

An elderly couple was on a cruise, and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her. So the captain sent the old man home with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the ship.
It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, but we found your wife had died in the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and found an oyster attached to her butt. Inside was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise?"
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap!"