If Men Ruled The World

• Hallmark would make "Sorry I don't remember your name" cards.
• If your girlfriend really needs to talk to you during the game, she'll appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
• A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would complete a break up.
• Birth control would come in ale or lager.
• Instead of an engagement ring, you could surprise your fiance with a giant "You're #1!" foam hand.
• Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur in leap years.

Cause Hearing Loss In Men

Q: What's the easiest way for a wife to cause hearing loss in her husband?
A: Say she wants to talk to him.

Farmer Johnson

Old farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife, "Maude, when I'm dead and gone... I want you to marry farmer Jones." "Oh no, I couldn't marry anyone after you!" Maude replies."But I want you to, Maude." "But why?" Maude asks."Because that no good son of a bitch once cheated me in a horse trade!"