You Might Be A Redneck 41

You might be a redneck if...

• Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
• You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
• You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
• You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.
• You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
• Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
• You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
• When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
• Your screen door has no screen.

Fake It

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.

The 9 Types of Boyfriends

Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?" Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Snugglepup.
Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts.
Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy.
Old Man Grump's - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV." Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogy, Slow Mover.
Advantages: Stays put; predictable.
Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass.
Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did." Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you.
Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled.
Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle.
Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'." Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n' Dumb.
Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled.
Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig.
Lazybones - "Zzzzzz" Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict.
Advantages: Well rested; easy target.
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams.
The Sneak - "Who, me?" Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch.
Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt.
Disadvantages: May be having time of his life.
Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?" Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster.
Advantages: Perpetually aroused.
Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused.
The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how," Also known as: Struggling artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind, Foo.
Advantages: Tells good stories.
Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grump's".
Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?" Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy.
Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer.
Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction.