Getting Your Money's Worth

When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought regular or premium gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband. "It cost the same as always," said the wife. "I bought the usual ten dollars worth."

The Stolen Credit Card

While paying bills, John's wife comes home one day, furious, and exclaims, "somebody stole my credit card!"  John consoled his wife and went back to work, not missing a beat.  
His wife gets even more furious, wanting to know what he is going to do about it.  John looks up from his computer and calmly replies, "Nothing."  His wife responds, "Why!?!"  
"Because he's spending less than you do!"

Job Well Done!

A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?" He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn't think straight." She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?" He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"