I'm Not Stupid

Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, "What's that, Miss?" Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your Daddy calls Mommy, Tommy." Tommy thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not stupid Miss, I know that ain't a fucking pig!"

Cheating Boyfriend

A blonde complained to her friend, "I can never trust my boyfriend. Why, he cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his!"

Santa's Wife

Q: What does Santa call his wife at tax time?
A: A dependent Claus.