The Divorce Infraction

A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer.  During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions."Your Honor," replied the defendant, "that man represented me in a bitter divorce. One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held. The judge would decide that afternoon what I would get, and what Rose would get. My lawyer told me I didn't have to be present and 'not to worry.'"  "I can't see why you'd punch a man for that," interrupted the judge. "Wait, there's more.  When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side. I asked why. Then he said, "Because everything's coming up Rose's."  "THAT'S when I hit him!"

Wedding Tragedy

Q: What is a wedding tragedy?
A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money!

Two Buddies

Two buddies get together and decide to go to a whorehouse, one of them tired of doing it with his wife all the time, the other not having it done for a long time. The married one goes up and comes down and says "My wife is much better". "Alright" goes the other guy, "Let me go try the same woman." Well he goes and screws the whore, comes than says to his buddy, "You are right man, your wife is much better."