New Porsche

A 15-year-old came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car?"He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?!" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me $15." The parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for $15?!" they asked. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "Don't know her name. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for $15." "Oh my goodness," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."
So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for $15 and demanded to know why she did it. 
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."

Creative Sex!

Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring. "Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try 'playing doctor' for an hour? That's what I do," said Irving. "Sounds great," Morris replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?" "That's easy...just keep her in the waiting room for 59 minutes!"

The Divorce Infraction

A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer.  During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions."Your Honor," replied the defendant, "that man represented me in a bitter divorce. One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held. The judge would decide that afternoon what I would get, and what Rose would get. My lawyer told me I didn't have to be present and 'not to worry.'"  "I can't see why you'd punch a man for that," interrupted the judge. "Wait, there's more.  When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side. I asked why. Then he said, "Because everything's coming up Rose's."  "THAT'S when I hit him!"