Vegas Brothel

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!" The Madam is astonished.
"But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies,
"Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm homesick."

Professional Courtesy?

A doctor and his wife were sunbathing on a beach when a beautiful young blonde in a tight-fitting bikini strolled past. The blonde looked a the doctor, smiled seductively, and murmured in a very sexy voice, "Hi there handsome. How ya doing?" She then wiggled her backside and walked off. "Who was that?" demanded the doctor's wife."Er- just a woman I met professionally." stammered the doctor. "Oh yeah?" his wife snarled. "In whose profession? Yours or hers?"

Shades of Grey

My wife said she wanted to see 50 shades of grey.
So I took a photo of her hair.