Get There First

“I want to die before my wife, and the reason is this: if it’s true that when you die, your soul goes up to judgement, I don’t want my wife up there ahead of me to tell them things.”

Keeping Time

Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. “Did you get that for your birthday?” – asked Johnny.
“Nope.” – replied Jimmy. “Well, did you get it for Christmas then?”
Again Jimmy said “Nope.” “You didn’t steal it, did you?” – asked Johnny.
“No,” said Jimmy. “I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they were ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.”
Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy’s new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents’ bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.
Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. “What do you want now?” “I wanna watch,” Johnny replied.
Without missing a stroke, his father said, “Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet.”

Pondering Collection Continued

• I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes froze the end of my nose.
• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Why is the word big so little and the word little so big?
• Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
• Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
• Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
• How do I set my laser printer on stun?
• How is it possible to have a civil war?
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?