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Relationship Jokes
Firm This Up
One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
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Girlfriend Meets Irish Mom
A young Irish lad takes the girl he loves to meet his family. The matriarch of the family asks the girlfriend, "So, tell me, lass, what is your occupation?" The girl hesitantly says, "Well, Mrs. O'Malley, I'm a prostitute." Immediately, the lad's mother faints. After regaining consciousness, she asks again, "Forgive me, dearie. I don't think I heard you correctly. What is your occupation?" Again the girl says, "Mrs. O'Malley, I'm a prostitute." The mother laughs, "Oh my, dearie, for a moment there I thought you said you were a Protestant!"
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Divorce & Circumcision
Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!
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