Strange Robbery

Jim had been out on the town with a dazzling blonde, and he was returning home as the rosy tints of dawn began to color the skies. Marshaling all his inner resources, he managed an air of sobriety and dignity before the suspicious eye and wagging tongue of his wife. Suddenly, as he was undressing, she punctuated her harangue with a sharp, gasping intake of air. "Jimmy," she asked through tightly clenched teeth, "Just where are your underwear?" Bleakly, Jimmy perceived through the fog in his mind, that his boxer shorts were indeed missing. Just then, inspiration stuck. "My God!" he cried with aggrieved dismay. "I've been robbed!"

Can't Win

My girlfriend got annoyed because I didn't have a pet name for her, then went crazy when I started calling her "Rover"

Product Failure

Baby wipes are useless. I've used a full packet on my girlfriend and she's still pregnant.