Blonde - Redneck

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a redneck?
A: If she can chew tobacco and suck dick at the same time and still know which one to spit out.

Three Wise Men

In a small southern town there was a beautiful Nativity Scene that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. Yet one small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation,  I left.
At a local gas station on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!"  I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.  She jerked her Bible from behind the counter, ruffled through some pages and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said  "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"

Yo Mama - Redneck Door Mat

Yo' Mama is so redneck, the door mat to her trailer home doubles as a mud flap for her pick up truck.