Office Inspirational Posters

Top 20 Sayings We'd Like To See On Those Office Inspirational
1.Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
7. Plagiarism saves time.
8. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
10. TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
12. Never under estimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
13. We waste time so you don't have to.
14. Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
15. Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
16. A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
17. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
18. INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
19. Succeed in spite of management.
20. Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

Changed HR policies

Casual Fridays:
Week 1 - Memo No. 1 Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.
Week 3 - Memo No. 2 Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Week 6 - Memo No. 3 Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.
Week 8 - Memo No. 4 A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Week 9 - Memo No. 5 As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.
Week 14 - Memo No. 6 The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee. Please review the chapter "You Are What You Wear" and consult the "home casual" versus "business casual" checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.
Week 18 - Memo No. 7 Our Employee Assistant Plan (EAP) has now been expanded to provide support for psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.
Week 20 - Memo No. 8 Due to budget cuts in the HR Department we are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day will be discontinued, effective immediately.

The Job Security Quiz

The job security quiz will help judge how long you'll end up at your current job and what will become of you.

 
1.The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you...
a) Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid.
b) Inform him that you're planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources.
c) Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you've finished the level.
 
2. There's a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do?
a) Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone who's been working with you.
b) Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him.
c) Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that you, "Won't have to work under someone who should have retired before he became a laughingstock."
 
3. When your boss throws a party and invites everyone in the office except you, what do you do?
a) Stay home and watch 'I Love Lucy' reruns.
b) Show up at the party anyway, with a really expensive bottle of wine and a briefcase full of small, unmarked bills.
c) Go over to your bosses house after everyone has left and throw rocks at the windows, shouting obscenities.
 
4. Your boss criticizes your work unjustly; what do you do?
a) Listen politely, and then apologize.
b) Blame someone else.
c) Climb on top of your desk, and hold up a piece of paper on which you've written the word "union."
 
5. When the CEO parks his car in your spot, you...
a) Wash and wax it, then leave your business card under the windshield wiper.
b) Key it ... then tell the CEO's secretary you saw your boss near it, loitering suspiciously.
c) Key it ... then proudly tell the CEO's secretary that you did it.
 
6. Your boss asks you to play Kooky the Clown for his kid's fifth birthday party, what do you do?
a) Offer to pay for the costume rental and cake, too.
b) Agree to do it, then blackmail a co-worker into doing it while pretending to be you.
c) Agree to do it, then show up as yourself and tell the children that Kooky is dead.
 
7. The boss accuses you of not keeping the office clean; you...
a) Clean the office while he supervises.
b) Tell him that you delegated the job, then fire the underling you supposedly gave the job to.
c) Clean the office again, but this time, you use your boss' face.
 
Scoring this test:

Mostly A's: You have nothing to worry about. They'll never fire you because you're a doormat.
Mostly B's: You're not just going to keep your job, with your complete disregard for other peoples feelings, you'll positively shoot up the ladder of success. Congratulations! You're a real jerk.
Mostly C's: You are a career kamikaze. The boss would have fired you long ago, but he's terrified of what you might do.