Hillary and Bill at Baseball Game

Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the year, and everyone is yelling and screaming. One of the President's cabinet advisors whispers advice into his ear, at which point Bill stands up and throws Hillary out onto the field. The crowd goes deathly silent and the advisor says, "No, sir, what I said was, they want you to throw out the first pitch."

Clinton Bumper Stickers

Here are some "actual" bumper stickers reportedly seen on cars around the DC area:

• HONK! If you had sex with the President
• Clinton: We forgive you...Now Resign!
• Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency
• Adultery IS NOT a family value
• Does character matter YET?
• One More Whore And We Get Gore
• Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat
• My President Fooled Around with Your Honor Student
• Jail to the Chief
• Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President
• The Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not Responsibility
• If his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter.
• Save the President: Legalize Perjury
• Two terms for Clinton: the second in jail
• Clinton: Our Nation's Fondling Father

Hillary's Accident

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road one evening when a cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it, but couldn't. The cow was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow. She stayed in the car texting on her BlackBerry.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.
"What happened to you?," asked Hillary .
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me."
"What did you tell them?" asked Hillary.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."