Hillary's Accident

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road one evening when a cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it, but couldn't. The cow was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow. She stayed in the car texting on her BlackBerry.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.
"What happened to you?," asked Hillary .
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me."
"What did you tell them?" asked Hillary.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

Dear Abby

Dear Abby,
My husband hasn't worked in 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies. He's cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his grand-daughters.  I know because he brags about it. He smokes fancy cigars and drinks expensive Champagne day and night. We sleep in separate beds because he`s always telling me he knows I`m a lesbian and my varicose veins and ugly face turn him off!  Should I clobber him with my frying pan or should I leave him Abby?
Your advice will be appreciated,
Mad as Hell.
Dear Mad as Hell,
You don`t have to take that kind of treatment from any man. I suggest you pack your bags and move out a.s.a.p.! Don't resort to clobbering him with the frying pan, that will only make things worse. Remember, you`re running for President of the United States, so try acting like it! 
Abby

Clinton Country

A guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV goes on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech. The man yells, "There's a horses ass!" A guy gets up and punches him... And the man left.. Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said the same, "There's a horses ASS..." He then got punched again... So he says to the bartender, "What is this, a Clinton country?" The bartender says "no, Horse country."