Vending Machine and Monica Lewinsky

Q: How are a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky alike?
A: They both have a place where you "Insert Bill Here"!

White House Ghosts

One night Biden was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Biden asked.
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Biden asked. "Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom. Biden didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country," Biden asked. Abe replied, "Go to the theater."

Interview With Hillary

I had the opportunity to do a personal interview with Hillary Clinton the other day and we came to the subject of her sex life. I asked, "Hillary, is your sex life with Bill anything like what he had with Monica?" She answered, "Well, close but no cigar."