Lewinsky's Dress

Q:  Did you hear what the FBI just found in Monica Lewinsky's dress?
A: A wad of Bill's.

Ice Cream

A friend told me about his trip out with his grandson. This is what he said. "Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant. My 6 year-old grandson asked if he could say grace."  As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food and I would thank you even more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty, peace & justice for all. Amen!"
Along with the laughter and nodding of heads from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman at the next table remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream!  Why -- I never!
Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears & asked me, "Did I do it wrong Grandpa? Is God mad at me?After I assured him that he had done a terrific job & that God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my grandson & said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." "Really?" my grandson asked. "Cross my heart," the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is sometimes good for the soul."
Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal. My grandson stared at his ice cream for a moment, & then he did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over & placed it in front of the woman.
With a big smile he looked her in the eye and told her, "Here ma'am, this is for you, you grouchy old bitch. You must be a Democrat, Shove it up your ass and cool off!"
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it!

John McCain's Favorite Band

Q: What is John McCain's favorite band?
A: Limp Bizkit.