Trump Executed?

Donald Trump is hanged by the neck until dead. At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly. "But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried. "Nope!" Trump beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, "Fake noose."

New Presidential Parrot

One day while at the White House, the maid was cleaning the Oval Office's bird cage -- but, while she was doing it, the parrot flew out the window. The maid was scared that President Clinton would find out and she would be fired. So she went to the pet store and asked the clerk if they had any parrots similar to the one she had lost. The clerk said yes, they had one that looked just like it, but the bird had been in a whorehouse for three years. The maid figured it was better than nothing and bought it. When she took it back to the White House she put the parrot back in the cage like nothing happened. Later that day, Hillary came in and the parrot said "Too old, too old" -- the First Lady was a bit peeved, but thought nothing of it. A little bit after that Chelsea came in and the parrot said, "Too young, too young." A couple hours later, President Clinton came into the room and the bird chirped enthusiastically, "Hi Bill! Hi Bill!"

Al Gore Gets Belly Ring

A: Why did Al Gore get a belly ring?
Q: Because George Bush had a Dick Cheney.