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Pickup Lines - Guy to Girl
I've Changed My Mind
This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his lustful desires rise to a fever pitch. He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I'm busting to have a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why don't you go behind these bushes?" She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!" "No" she replies", "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."
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Uber Pickup
Try telling this joke the next time you're trying to pick up a girl.
Three flies are stuck in a jar. Two female flies and one male fly. For some reason the female flies have it in their heads that the male knows how to get out. The first female fly buzzes over the the male and asks him how to get out of the jar.
"Make love to me and I'll tell you."
She's desperate to get out, so she agrees.
"What you need to do is, start flying around the top to get some speed, dive toward the bottom and pull up to the top at the last second and you'll [snap your fingers ] pop right out."
So she does exactly as he says. Right as she pulls up toward the top [smack your hand] SPLAT! She hits the lid and falls down dead.
So the second female fly, because flies are dumb, goes over the the male fly and asks him the same thing, how to get out of the jar.
"Make love to me and I'll tell you."
She too is desperate to get out, so she agrees.
"What you need to do is, start flying around the top to get some speed, dive toward the bottom and pull up to the top at the last second and you'll [*snap] pop right out."
So she also does exactly as he says. Right as she pulls up toward the top [*smack your hand] SPLAT! She hits the lid and falls down dead.
So now this male fly is in a jar with two dead female flies, and he wants out. So he flies around the top to get some speed, dives toward the bottom, pulls up at the last second, and [*snap] pops right out.
You know she's going to ask you how he got out, and you say.......
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Let's Do It
Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason.
Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!
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