Infrequently

Bernie and Jane are an elderly couple who have decided to get married late in life. While they have not yet been intimate, Bernie thinks it would be a good idea to know how Jane feels about this. He asks her about her desires regarding frequency of sexual intimacy. Jane replies that she likes sex infrequently. Bernie, being ever the optimist says, "Is that one word or two?"

High Wind

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down,then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

Rest Your Mind

Q: Why do baby diapers have names like "Luvs", "Huggies," and "Pampers," while undergarments for old people are called "Depends".
A: When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em, Hug'em and Pamper'em.  When old people crap in their pants it "Depends" on who's in the will!