Nearsightedness

I think my wife is getting a little nearsighted. I woke up this morning, she was sucking on the bedpost.

One Night, An 87 Year-Old Woman...

One night, an 87 year - old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to defend herself. "Well, Your Honor," she replied coolly. "I figured that at 92, if he could make love to another woman, he could fly!"

The Hooker and Her Gramma

There was a hooker with a bunch of other hookers. The police came, and said for all of the girls to line up.
The hooker's gramma came and said, "Why are all of you girls lined up?"
The girl didn't want her gramma to know what she did for a living so the girl said, "We're lined up to buy oranges"
The police talked to every girl individually, and when they got to gramma the police said, "How do you do it, you're so old?!?"
Gramma says, "It's easy, just peel it down and suck it dry!"