C-Nile Virus

C-Nile is the latest in a string of nasty 'zero day' viruses that are able to bypass even the best scanners from Norton and McAfee.  It uses birth data from recent Target and Home Depot data breaches and focuses on people born prior to 1965.
Symptoms to watch for:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to send an e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to forward it back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6. Causes you to hit “SEND” before you've finished. 
7. Causes you to hit “DELETE” instead of “SEND”.
8. Causes you to hit “SEND” when you should “DELETE.”
Yup, it's called the “C-NILE VIRUS.” There is no known fix for this virus.
Hmmm…..have I sent this to you already, or did you just send it to me?

Nearsightedness

I think my wife is getting a little nearsighted. I woke up this morning, she was sucking on the bedpost.

One Night, An 87 Year-Old Woman...

One night, an 87 year - old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to defend herself. "Well, Your Honor," she replied coolly. "I figured that at 92, if he could make love to another woman, he could fly!"