Blonde Sex Application

Q: On an application form, what does a blonde put down for ''SEX?''
A: ''Lots.''

As the Business Lines Go

• As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
• As they say in Beirut, Shiite happens.
• Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
• Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups.
• At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
• Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.
• Bad news drives good news out of the media.
• Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from the floor.
• Batman is the hero any of us could be, given determination, exercise, and deep psychological trauma. - Chris Jarocha-Ernst
• Be content with what you've got, but be sure you've got plenty. 

Parrot

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the left costs $500 dollars". "Why, does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man. The owner says, "Well  the parrot knows how to use a computer". The man then asks about the next parrot and is told that this one costs $1,000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system. Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and is told that it costs $2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!"