Jim Will Not be in Today

"Jim will not be in today. He is not feeling himself. Thank you." THIS MEANS:

1. He doesn't feel the way he usually does.
2. He is not in complete control of his hands.
3. His emotions are shattered.
4. His skin is numb.
5. He has transformed into an alter-ego (i.e. professional wrestler)
6. He is not feeling himself, in a biblical sense.
7. He has been covered in saran wrap.
8. He is in an isolation tank.
9. He wanted to take a day off but couldn't come up with an actual illness to fake.
10. He is feeling others.

Copy Machine Handout

In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then. One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Finally one day, he just smiled and handed them this sheet;
The copier is out of order! Yes, we have called the service man. Yes, he will be in today. No, we cannot fix it. No, we do not know how long it will take. No, we do not know what caused it. No, we do not know who broke it. Yes, we are keeping it. No, we do not know what you are going to do now.
Thank You

More Ways to Annoy People at Work

1. Practice making fax and modem noises.
2. During meetings, disassemble your pen and "accidentaly" flip the cartridge across the room.
3. ALWAYS TYPE WITH CAPS-LOCK ON
4. type only in lower case.
5. dontuseanypunctuationorspaceseither
6. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."