Good News At Work

A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. . . .Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today" Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." Says He: "OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?" Says She: "Well, the air bag works..."

Excess Billing Hours

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

Calling in Sick

Bob calls in to his job: "Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."  The boss says: "You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that." Two hours later Bob calls: "Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you've got a nice house!"