Safety Meeting

We had a safety meeting at work today.
They asked me "what steps would you take in event of a fire?
"Fucking big ones" was apparently not the right answer.

Elmo Factory

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her. After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arrived there the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo. The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''

The Right Stuff

I was in a job interview for a sales position and the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. An hour later he called me and said, "Bring it back here right now!"
I said, "$250 and it's yours."