Alimony

Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of the divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said: "I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month." To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's mighty kind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too."

Bounced Check

A Columbia Doctor's secretary called an old farmer out my way and said: "Your check came back." The old man replied, "So did my arthritis!"

Surgeon and Plumber

A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at a neurosurgeon's house. After a 2-minute job, he demanded $75. "I don't charge this amount even though I'm a surgeon." "You're right -- that's why I switched from surgery to plumbing!"